These Phrases from A Father That Rescued Me during my time as a New Dad

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of being a father.

But the actual experience quickly turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health issues during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her main carer in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… each outing. The role of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You're not in a healthy space. You need support. In what way can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more comfortable addressing the strain on mothers and about PND, less is said about the struggles fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a larger reluctance to open up amongst men, who still internalise harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a display of failure to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men can be reluctant to accept they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the space to take a respite - going on a couple of days overseas, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of looking after a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the expression of emotional life and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, long-standing trauma caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "poor decisions" when in his youth to change how he felt, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a friend, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, staying active and when you can, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their issues, altered how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I think my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."